When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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