There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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