turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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