The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
