Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
