are you still at the devil's house?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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