I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
