final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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