I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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