I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
