sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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