D3 body, D1 cock
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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