Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
