Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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