youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
