yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
