I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
