id be glad to
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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