8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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