my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have aggressive nipples.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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