soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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