I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
