So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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