i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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