Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You took a bar mat shot.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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