I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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