My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
