I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
