haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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