we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
