If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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