I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
