i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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