So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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