please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
