it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
