he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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