Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
