I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
