no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
