She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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