ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
