I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
