Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
