im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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