Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
