the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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