Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just googled if crying burns calories
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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