I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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