Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
