Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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