My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
