i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
