Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
